Awakening

Posted 8:51 AM by Mezhal Ulao in Labels:
It's been a long time coming. I have worked myself to a frenzy for 27 years and all I could show for it was nothing. That would have been what I would say to myself in the past had I not been introduced to something that changed my life entirely. It did me a lot of good and saved me in more ways than one could have expected. It can change your life too.

I have been going through the regular turmoil of life. Work, party, and home was all that occupied my world in the past. I had a life that a lot of people would have envied but I felt empty, lonely and deprived. I had talents that I considered a curse because they only got me into trouble and nothing but a whirlwind of events that churned inside my hated world. I hated everything and everyone around me. I sought refuge in so many beliefs that in time I had lost faith in all that I have learned and the people that taught them. I had fallen to black pit of pain and remorse. I did everything that one would say was crazy and wicked because it affirmed something in me. That I was still alive and that I was valued. I sought attention and fought for the right to stand out. To be the best in anything and everything that I placed my mind and spirit to. I did it for the wrong reasons, and that was all because of the need to show that I was great at it. In the end all I had to show inside was a void that couldn't be filled by anything but more hate and anger. I would look at others and see the side that was wrong about them and bend these to my advantage to get them to the dark side. I did it because I wanted to prove that everyone was as dark and horrid as the next person. I hated the fact that I was a product of science and a guinea pig for the adults that were in awe of the skills that were considered superior. I hated my parents for failing to protect me despite of all that we had. I hated all the evil that was spreading across the world like a virus. I hated how everyone worked for their own selfish reasons and pathetic pride. I hated a lot of things about life. I hated myself even more. I was bound by these things and the thoughts just weighed me down.

That was then. People started to come into my life. They started lighting a spark, flame that burned me from within. Friends started turning their hearts and souls, barring all their pains and their sorrows in sincerity. People started showing me what it was to be human. They opened their hearts to show me how to feel the emotions that were long denied by my soul. Slowly time and the universe worked its way into my life. It did everything to show me that I wasn't alone. That life was beautiful. It used everything it could to find that part of me that was still human. That last ounce of life that was chained to the depths of my darkness. It gave it gift of fire that burned through my bindings. The Universe was answering my truest desire, one that even escaped my conscious world. It was the cry of the real me. It cried for so long. It cried for the freedom to speak its mind, to sing the songs it had longed to sing, it desired to write about freedom of heart and mind. Not the freedom that you would find in text books or in hearing lectures about changing your lives and changing others around. All it wanted was to live life. It wanted to feel alive. It wanted to see the beauty of life. The tides of circumstance struck again and again against me. It pounded the depths of my being till it broke the prison that has embedded me in the dark regions. The Universe like a loving mother reached out using something more than words could explain. It taught me, it nursed me back, and eventually it healed my wounds and took my scars. Slowly I found how to keep the flames burning inside. I got lost and stumbled along the way but it never failed to gently guide me back. All through these years I have been seeking, now I found that something greater than me had been seeking me out too. I was like a lost child finally home. How I got back from this long journey of discovery? I don't have the answer nor can I write it all out here in words. Emotions, people, spirits, angels and demons all played a part in my life as they still do. Time keeps turning and events keep churning and changing me. Where I'll be in the end I really don't know. I do know that there is a secret out there that is no longer a secret. It changed people's lives as it has continually changed mine. People have called it so many things and have ignored its presence. That secret is that the Universe is alive. Its so alive that it hears your call. Not in the words that gets twisted and faked, but it listens and answers to the real call of your heart and souls. It heard my true cry. It heard my pain and suffering. I heard me loud and clear. It has taken me into her bosom and showered me with blessings that I have never noticed before and still find it hard to believe that I deserve. All you have to do is believe and open your eyes, mind, and your heart. There is a voice inside of you that is hard and faint at first. It is calling out to you and to the Universe. Salvation comes from within, and once you find that voice listen to what it has to say. I wont tell you what you would hear. That is your heart. Now things have changed, it may not be for the better in everyone's eyes, but I have been changed for good.

1 comment(s) to... “Awakening”

1 comments:

Maris said...

Hello, Metz. I happen to know your blog thru Paolo Coelho's blog (wow! big time ka ha. hehe). Well... I like your blog. Is it ok to include your link to my blog? Thanks. :)



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