Tryst with a Demon

Posted 5:03 AM by Mezhal Ulao in Labels:
Today I had found myself in the fields of battle. I had to fight with
something that makes men shiver and quake. Today I found myself
fighting a real demon. This demon was no mere adversary for it had the
cunning that equaled that of mine. He had access to my very core and
indubitably my greatest weakness. This demon twisted everything around
me and distorted that which is my reality to create a world of
disillusion and mistrust. What made him so powerful against me wasn't
the fact that he was a demon, for I have fought many of those things
in my life, it was because this one existed from within me. It's
greatest weapon was my emotions. This demon has been called several
names by every living creature that has been ensnared by its traps and
its trickery. It has lived through eons with one sole purpose for its
existence. To be the destroyer of dreams.

My demon today called itself despair. It used every ounce of what
memories I have had in the past. It has thrown hooks and wove a thread
of chains to bind me back into the pit that it had prepared for me
with utmost care and meticulously waited to launch it's attack like a
spider in waiting. It was so good at it, for it had crept up from
behind. Before I had a chance to defend myself it had pounced and
struck a stake at my heart. It pulled mercilessly at it and abused me
with psychic images of every single moment of pain and suffering I had
gone through in life. It targeted my weakest most vulnerable emotion.
It had launched an all out attack on my heart and all the love that
was starting to grow. It screamed in glee telling me that I was never
going to be loved, that I was a curse to myself and to those that have
loved me. That no matter what I had to offer to anyone it would never
be enough. That I was about to be thrown into the gutter and left on
my own alone. It clawed at my soul pulling with all its might to drag
me back into the pit and under his control. He showed me that all I
had all that I have sacrificed was worthless for the person that I had
given what I have was never going to be there for me, that I was
placing myself into a situation that would cause me agony and pain. He
told me to forget about feeling care for anyone and succumb to the
reality of a world that only valued itself and all that it had. It
talked about the pain I caused others and that all I did was hurt
people and drive them away. It twisted and stabbed me several times. I
felt the blood in my very veins start to flow and cold darkness
weighing me down. I thought I was about to loose that I would beg to
be stolen away. I felt like running away.

In his grapple I wanted to cry, I wanted to give up. Something inside
my heart, a voice silently at first but as it started to get darker
and deeper became louder and clearer. It was a voice so eerie and yet
enchanting. It called out my name and it didn't stop until I paid
attention to what it had to say. Despair heard it too, it violently
used its powers to encase me in words and images that showed nothing
but what it was known for. It screamed in anger and struck at that
voice. It wasn't going to be silenced, it didn't let the wounds and
the pain stop it's cry. And it cried my name even louder this time. It
said "METZ YOU ARE A GIFT TO ALL THAT YOU HAVE TOUCHED, YOU WERE NEVER
ALONE. YOU ARE LOVED BY ME. I AM HERE AND NEVER SHALL I BE BEATEN INTO
SILENCE. I AM THAT WHICH SHELTERS YOU. I AM THERE EVEN IN YOUR DARKEST
HOURS. IN ME NO SUFFERING SHALL REMAIN. IN ME YOU HAVE FOUND HEALING.
IN ME THE UNIVERSE HAS GIVEN ITS POWER TO SET THINGS RIGHT. YOU KNOW
MY NAME. YOU AND I HAVE EXISTED FAR BEYOND YOUR TIME OF BIRTH. LOOK AT
ME AND SEE MY FACE." I looked and felt its warmth, DESPAIR cried in
agony as his chains started to melt away. In me I felt a flame. It was
a flicker at first, then I looked at despair. I saw its face and I
felt its fear and pain. I held my hand out to it and cried "You have
been so alone for so long, your loneliness has caused you so much pain
that you sought to bring others into the same cage where you reside.
This time I want you to know I am grateful for you. I have learned to
find strength in your chains and now its time for me to break away.
You may be a demon although I am grateful, I can no longer allow you
to bind me in anyway. You and I today must part ways. The flames
engulfed my entire being, my soul, my spirit. The voice now had joined
mine, and in unison we declared "IN THE DARK I SHALL HOLD UP MY LIGHT.
ALL THAT SEES IT SHALL FIND THERE IS ONLY GOODNESS IN ALL OF MANKIND.
I HAVE FOUND PEACE, I HAVE FOUND LOVE IN ITS TRUE FORM. IT IS AND HAS
ALWAYS BEEN INSIDE US." Despair bowed its head and turned to make a
hasty retreat. In the stillness, I asked, "who are you?" It replied "I
am HOPE, and in my hand is your greatest power - FAITH. Never let it
be stolen away."

Tears fell from my eyes, not of sorrow, not anymore. These tears were
for a feeling that I have never felt before. It was the first time I
felt FREE.

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