In the Dark

Posted 4:54 AM by Mezhal Ulao in Labels:
I have stepped hard on the breaks. I've stopped to get off the fast and furious road of life and started to look around, something that I havent done in a long time. Forcefully I sat down to remember everything that has happened to me, from as far back as I can recall to the most recent. I relived every laughter, every shame, every tear. I saw the struggles and the triumphs. It has been such a long journey and right now in the half way house of my mind I sit still and look back. I really dont know what to feel, grateful? Maybe nostalgia is the best word to describe the emotion that I feel. Now before me in the dark several paths begin to unfold. Am I afraid of what lies ahead? And a little whimpering voice inside my head answered "I am".

Uncertainty has a way of making even the strong falter and even stop dead on their tracks. It's in the dark region that we hold up our light and try as hard as we can to see. Even with the flames burning bright we find that we still stumble and fall. Fighting to keep this fire burning bright, struggling to keep it safe. But eventually along the way this flame gets snuffed out, if not burnt out. In the dark we grope for the match or a spark to help ignite our figurative flames. We feel the cold come to grip its wicked hands in a chilling embrace. We strike back at the cold darkness with all our strength but all would be in vain, for nothing we do can push the darkness away, only the fire we carried along this journey has that power. A lot of people have succumbed to this darkness out of vain. Many frantically search for someone's light and search far and wide they do straining their hearts and minds to see if anyone out there can light their snuffed out flames.

Unfortunately for me, I now stand in the darkness and feel fear and pain, I normally wouldnt admit it to anyone, it is only here in these pages that my soul finds a place of confession, a place of sanctuary. But my light that once burned bright has burnt itself out. No matter if my eyes be closed or opened all I see is darkness. The crossroads I know I have reached but without the light where to go is unclear. In this metaphoric landscape I have finally learned to stand still and since I cant find the match nor someone else's flames I wait. I sit on the cold dry earth and feel the dirt. Cold as the dark air that slowly wraps its arms around me. In this world I feel for warmth, but there is only me. The voices of those past and gone whisper in my ears. Some tell me stories of hope and faith, others scream of pain and misery. Where are the people that I onced walked these roads, we all eventually parted ways and here I find and pray that they havent met the same fate. It is in the dark that I finally knelt down and prayed. I have never prayed so hard in my life, not like this. Begging and praying as if my life depended on it. I prayed for someone to come and find me. I prayed for someone to save me. I prayed in tears for someone to answer this prayer. All that I heard was silence, I listened, but there was nothing but silence. Ancestors long gone have promised their children that if we give our all, that if we surrender everything we had inside an answer would be heard. I have given my all, I have given all of me. Where is my answer?

I sit still in the dark, silenced by the cold. No matter how much power, no matter how strong, it doesnt even matter how strong your faith could be, once that flame you carry is snuffed out everything that you once thought you had is lost.

I have learned from lessons past, Keep Walking. So in the dark I hold my arms tight. Take a deep breath and take each step slowly. Feeling through the cold dark earth beneath me, struggling not to stumble and fall. Somewhere out there is a light. Somewhere out there someone will hear my cry. The worst thing about this darkness is being alone. I hold on to a promise within my heart. Everything will be alright someone once said to me. All you have to do is keep on walking. For it is when you stop and lay down in defeat, death's claws will take its grip. I am not ready to lay down. I am not ready to go into an eternal sleep. I may not have the light that burns bright but as long as there is still that warmth from within this soul of mine I shall keep on walking, keep on going. One thing is certain, there is something out there. Whatever it is, it is far better than what is found here, It has to be.

3 comment(s) to... “In the Dark”


RainforestRobin said...

I am moved to tears by these precious heartfelt emotions and words. I think it is one of the most beautiful writings I've read. It is heartening to see in a world so full of commercialism, fast food spirituality and technology, which can be usefuland even fun, but can often rob the deep soul from us. And this is full of your soul. I love so many lines but these are pure beauty: "I have learned from lessons past, Keep Walking. So in the dark I hold my arms tight. Take a deep breath and take each step slowly. Feeling through the cold dark earth beneath me," Yes, I know the wisdom of just putting one foot in front of the other and keep going.....and when you can let go and trust..absolutely blindly. It was in the solitary dark that I found the most shinning light.

Most people do not have the courage to walk this path. It seems that you are destined to, and are called. It may appear a dark, lost and "why me" path, but it is where you will find what you seek. And if you can remain open to the journey as best you can, you will eventually know another world. You will be a leader, a teacher, a guide for others. Trust this most challenging calling, few have it so strongly. You were born a prophet and a seeker. I wish you courage and fortitude on this most unique journey. Robin

Metz said...

Thanks for the feedback Robin. It is just as moving to hear from the people that read through my articles and see through my soul. It is one of the very things that enables me to light that spark of hope as I go through this path.

derick said...

the path that you are travelling will seem to be one of darkness and lonliness.
as much as we are alone-we are truly never alone.
in your opening up and surrender of the situation you have taken another step to regain the wholeness that you once had and now are seeking.
you are the warrior on this path that you walk and it is not to sow the seeds of destruction, but a warrior of your own soul spark, which beckons you even further on this great journey of life.
persistance and courage are the rallying cries on this sojourn and although you look for the light at the end of the tunnel, know that the light that you seek is firmly ensconsed inside you.
you are the bearer of light and truth.
travel well

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